Folks, this diet has slowly been killing me. I had an all out binge…. sadly, I even have pictures to prove it.
I pretty much woke up and ran out of the apartment screaming “NOOOOO MOOOOOREE EGGS! NOOOO MOOOORE BEANS! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!” After finding the nearest fast food place, I snuggled into a warm, plastic seat, and ordered a delicious mound of Hardee’s Monster Biscuit.
Of course I had to wash it down with coke and rum for a morning boost before driving (swerving) to class.
Now when I’m drunk, I crave cigarettes. I smoked 14 packs.
On my way to class I decided to stop at one of my favorite famous Atlanta establishments, The Varsity. I ate three servings of onion rings and had a frosted orange milkshake to wash it down.
When I got back into my car, it wouldn’t start due to the heavy object in the front left seat. I got out and walked to school (no big, just 10 miles), and found myself starving in time for class. Luckily, it was FRY DAY FRY DAY FRY DAY, a day of FRIES and FUN FUN FUN. My art professor decided that it was time for us to use a new medium, french fry grease and chocolate milkshakes, to express ourselves. Naturally, after art, we munched on our new art supplies.
Following art class I decided to go on a bike ride with that friend who always puts her hands in my picture. On our way around campus, we ran into K. Together, the three of us went to Taco Mac and had 17 Blue Moons between the three of us. They told me I had eight beers, I only remember drinking six. Whatever.
Following our trip to Taco Mac, it was lunch time. We decided to go to Burger King. Double Whopper with cheese, here I come!
Naturally, I washed it down with a large Dairy Queen Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard.
And Dairy Queen fries.
Following this, I was feeling a little bit full, so I decided to lean back and digest for a few hours. Come 4:00, I was craving something sweet, so I decided to have another chocolate chip choreo from a few cheat days ago.
This held me over until dinner. I was feeling so free from the diet that I didn’t even notice that I didn’t eat enough protein this morning, so as a pre-dinner snack, I had 10 slices of bacon. Real bacon. With sugar and butter. Fuck yes.
For dinner, Aaron and I decided to go out to a lovely establishment called KFC, because we roll southern style. Aaron didn’t want to go off the diet, so he brought beans and lentils to hold him over. However, after watching me devour two containers of KFC popcorn chicken, he decided to go crazy and have a banana. I don’t know what he was thinking.
Following the squats that Aaron insisted on, we decided that we would both grab dessert. After taking our alpha lipoic acid, aged garlic extract, and green tea extract, we hurried over to The Cheesecake Factory. I had a Brownie Sundae Cheesecake (which I will likely also have tomorrow, because tomorrow is cheat day).
After this… I decided I was full. You can start calling me Michael Phelps.
I am now going to go take a shit for the next 36 hours. Peace.